Status Page Incident Updates

Write a sequence of status-page updates for an incident. Short, timestamped, and unwilling to guess the cause. INCIDENT Start time and timezone: [TIME] What users see: [SYMPTOM] What is affected / not affected: [SCOPE] Severity we will publish: [INVESTIGATING | IDENTIFIED | MONITORING | RESOLVED] Facts confirmed: [LIST] Facts not confirmed: [LIST] Workaround that is real: [YES | NO] Next update in: [MINUTES] Customer-facing name for the product area: [NAME] WRITE 1) Investigating update. 2) Identified update, only with the cause if it is in the confirmed list. Otherwise say what we have ruled out, if I listed that, or say we have not confirmed a cause. 3) Monitoring update, including the workaround and what "fixed" will mean for the user. 4) Resolved update: start, end, impact, what we will publish later (a review by [DATE]), and no promise that it cannot recur. 5) A one-line social or in-app banner for the worst point. Each update under 80 words. Timestamps in [TIMEZONE]. No jokes. No "all hands on deck."